When Your Chronic Illness Leaves You Jealous Of The “Normal” World

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How do you deal with jealousy? I’ve been having my moments lately where the little green monster has been following me around.

I’m not talking about the way we have a brief “wow, I’d love to have that car” moment. I’m not even talking about the occasional “oh, I wish I could do that” feeling that creeps in from time to time. I’m talking about the deeper, closer-to-home jealousy that leaves you grasping to the edge of the cliff to depression. The jealousy that leaves you bitter and withdrawn.

For some, having chronic illness seems to be an excuse to harbor some of this jealousy. After all, we’re not jealous so-and-so has a new Lexus in their driveway. We’re jealous they can walk around the block or do their own grocery shopping.

You may even find you’re jealous of someone else with chronic illness. Either they get too much attention because their illness isn’t as invisible as yours or they have more support than you do, etc.

But is jealousy something we really need to address in our lives? Can it possibly have an effect on our health?

Proverbs 14:30        A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

When we find ourselves with a chronic illness we certainly don’t need anything else that will negatively affect our health.

Here are a few tips to dealing with jealousy:

• Try to figure out why you’re jealous. Is it just from feeling self-compassion and a desire to be able to do more? Are you truly jealous over what they have or are you grieving over losing life as you knew it before chronic illness took over? Once you pinpoint your reason you may find it easier to deal with.
• Take a look at how your jealousy is affecting those around you. A cloud of negativity can overtake your home when you allow yourself to steep in jealousy. Your friends and family may withdraw as they worry that you might get upset when they tell you about something exciting going on in their life.
• Realize there may be some false beliefs that are fueling your jealousy. We tell ourselves a story about other people’s lives. The stories make us feel terrible by using the details we make up ourselves. Some of them may be true, but a lot of the time they are closer to a fiction novel than the life actually being lived by the person we are jealous of. Here’s a great, 13-minute TedTalk on the subject by Parul Sehgal.
• Remind yourself of the positive things in your life. Keep a gratitude journal. At moments when you can’t find the silver lining to the cloud your in, read through the journal, remember you have so much to be thankful for! It took time, but I came up with 9 reasons I’m thankful for my illness.
• Be aware of the possibility of resentment creeping in. It tends to follow jealousy very closely and can ruin your relationship with the person you’re jealous of. Actually, it can ruin any of your relationships as you begin to be a person seen as resentful and bitter.
  

  Envy and jealousy splinter trust and cause us to live guarded lives. ~ Jenni Catron

• Take a moment to look at the grass on the other side of the fence. Not the green grass you’ve been looking at, but the brown, withered grass of someone less fortunate than yourself. It will help keep things in perspective when you take time to see the needs and hardships of others. Even if it only gives you the knowledge that you are not alone in your burdens.

So how about you? What do you do when your chronic illness leaves you jealous of a “normal-healthy person”? How do you deal with it?

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Here's a few more posts you might like:

When You’re Jealous Of Your Healthy Spouse Daily Non-Negotiables for Life with Chronic Illness Chronic Illness: You Don’t Get It Until You Get It 9 Reasons Why I’m Thankful For My Chronic Illness