Lately, I’ve been hit with a reoccurring theme – learning to let go. It began as I read Chapter 10 of the book Choose Joy and continued through reading blog posts by my online friends (Kami’s post) messages from my pastor – the list goes on. It’s as if God’s been bombarding me with this in-your-face kind of reminder so I figured it was time to deal with the letting go and maybe do just that – Let. Go.
I have to admit I didn’t post on this last week because it took a while for me to try to embrace this chapter. Chapter 10 focuses on being thankful for what you had in your past, and what you have currently, without focusing on the way you thought life was going to turn out.
We all have things in our past that we tend to hold on to. Regrets. Embarrassing moments. Unrealized dreams. Hurts. Broken relationships. Etc.
But if we look back at our lives through the lens of those negative emotions, they become the focal point of our memories and seep their way into the present causing sadness, depression, and hopelessness.
Negative emotions impact our health negatively, and on the contrary, positive emotions affect our health positively. Learning how to let go of the negative emotions in our lives can actually be a turning point in our health. I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t need more things that negatively impact my health!
In this chapter, Sara writes about receiving an envelope from a friend that contained a piece of paper that said, “5 Years from now….” Sara had written this letter to herself five years earlier at her friend’s bachelorette party. She admitted that she was hesitant to read the letter because she didn’t want to stir up painful emotions. She shared her response to reading the letter:
It’s not that I felt nothing; I wasn’t unaffected. But I was unburdened in a way. It was simply a memory of another time. I thought of how lovely it is that I was able to have those dreams. I had the chance once upon a time to think those things were possible. I had such fun that summer celebrating with Nicole and having that time in my life when it seemed like everything was within my grasp. It’s not sad those things didn’t come true; it’s a joy that I had the chance to dream about the future. ~ Sara Frankl, Choose Joy
There are so many things in my life that didn’t turn out the way I expected. They didn’t turn out the way I would have liked. So I often find myself, late at night, tired and tormented, trying to figure out if it’s at all possible to reclaim the trajectory I once had or “fix” certain areas in my life I feel are broken.
But through all the different avenues, like Sara’s book, the blog posts, etc., I’ve been getting the same message from the Lord: Sometimes you have to let go of something in order to have a free hand to embrace something else.
I’ve come up with four things I feel I need to let go of, and if you’re still holding on to these, maybe you should consider releasing your grip as well:
- Toxic relationships. Since my sister passed away in 2008 I’ve been troubled by broken relationships in my life. My relationship with her, I’m so thankful to say, was not broken. However, it’s made me think long and hard about my other relationships. I’ve poured over scripture, books, and sermons on forgiveness and what I’ve found is that I truly have forgiven. While we need to forgive – reconciliation is another story. We can pray for years for relationships to be restored but there comes a point when you realize you’ll probably never see the reconciliation on this side of heaven. Not being able to reconcile doesn’t mean you weren’t able to forgive. It does, unfortunately, mean that you’re left with a hole in your heart and a deep desire for a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one with you. (Read Matthew 18:15-17) This quote from Rick Warren sums it up, “Forgiveness and restoration of a relationship are two different things. Forgiveness is only on your part, whether they respond or not, whether they ask for it or not, whether they even recognize they need it or not. You forgive for your sake. Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It takes repentance. It takes restitution and a rebuilding of trust. And it often takes a much longer time.” I have decided it’s time to let go of the pain the relationship currently brings and remember the past with fondness and gratitude for the times that were good.
- Negative self-image. When you have a chronic illness, the way you look at your physical body can be quite discouraging. You tend to see it as a burden and begin to feel self-conscience in front of others. Psalms 139:13 reminds us that we were knit together in our mother’s womb. Our illness is no surprise to God. At the time He began creating us in the womb He knew what our bodies would endure. In Genesis, we are told we were made in the image of God. Yes, the fallen world has given us things like disease and illness that were not in God’s perfect plan. But allowing ourselves to feel defined by an illness puts the focus on those fallen parts of creation. Instead, we need to focus on the inner aspects of our lives – the things that make up our personality and our soul. It’s in those things we’ll find our gifts and talents that God can use for His glory. The parts of His image that He’s given us to use for Him – love, patience, joy, peace, gentleness.
- Negative habits. On the physical side, we must remember that everyone has things they need to do so that they can live life in the best way possible. For some it’s maintaining a certain diet, for others keeping a certain exercise routine, and yet for others it may be scheduling white space or downtimes in each day so they can rejuvenate their mind and spirit. My point is that every individual has things they need to do to live at their best. For us, a chronic illness has stepped in to give us a very distinct set of limitations. Learning to embrace the limitations can give us a list of daily non-negotiables that will allow us to live at our very best possible. These non-negotiables may include things like having a quiet time in God’s word, taking a nap, juicing for added nutrition, moving your body, etc.
- Regretfully looking at the past. When we’re focused on things not turning out the way we desired it conditions our mind to believe the rest of our life will continue in that same way – not how we had desired. When we’re stuck in the rut of looking regretfully at the past we aren’t able to embrace hope for our future. Hope. That one word can make or break your entire mental well-being. They say a deciding factor in the recovery of depression and those with suicidal thoughts is whether or not they have hope. Billy Graham once said, “What oxygen is to the lungs, hope is to the world.”
Enjoy this video by Danny Gokey (from American Idol) – my prayer is that you’re able to find your renewed sense of hope today!
