When you first receive a diagnosis, chronic illness leaves you asking, “why me?” Can I suggest we ask a different question from a different perspective?
I have a 9-year-old grandson named Levi. He’s the joy of my life.
This picture was taken when he was three. Three is an amazing age. The world is opening up and you begin to see there is a bigger world around you. Far bigger than the toys that once were set in front of you, directly within reach. You’re walking, learning, and wondering.
Levi’s always wondering.
Can you guess what his favorite question was when he was three? “Why?”
His “Why?” followed almost every sentence you would say to him.
- Let’s get in Grammy’s car? Why?
Don’t touch that! Why?
It’s time to clean up. Why?
You need to stop asking why. Why?
Because. Because why?
One day we were going through another episode of the why-this-and-that saga and my answers were getting very close to the just-because-quit-asking line when my son, Austin, took over.
“Dude, just accept that some stuff just happens.”
Isn’t that easier said than done!
When you first receive a diagnosis of a chronic illness, so many questions race through your mind. Among them – why me?
The doctor’s answer is often, “we don’t know.”
If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m not the person who believes that everyone with a chronic illness is suffering because God is trying to teach them a lesson or punish them. I believe we end up sick due to the fact that we live in an imperfect, fallen world and we have bodies that begin to deteriorate from the moment we take our first breath.
But even with that belief I often wonder, why? Am I the only one that’s ever felt this way, or have some of you asked the same question?
- Why am I unable to play in the snow with this amazing little boy?
- Why do I spend sleepless nights in pain?
- Why do three of my four meds have to cause weight gain? (Come on now, I can’t be the only one to ask that!
A few years ago I read a great book by Max Lucado titled, It’s Not About Me. This little book allowed me to think in a whole new perspective.
Why not me?
After all, there are millions, if not billions, around the world that suffer from some sort of chronic illness, chronic pain or disease. So how can I say I’m any different than all of them and should be excluded from the sick list?
I began to ask the why-questions again but from different angles.
- Why am I blessed to still have a loving husband and incredible kids when I know so many who have stood at the gravesites of their loved ones?
- Why am I sheltered and warm when others are homeless, live in mud huts, or under tarps?
Do you get where I’m going with this?
This is NOT an easy transition to make.
To dwell on the negative side of things is far easier than to search for a positive. Life with chronic illness is constantly slapping us in the face with the negative. Yes, far easier to sit here.
Even the apostle Paul asked God three times to remove his “thorn in the flesh”. The bible doesn’t exactly tell us what that thorn was but I can imagine it was something as troubling as a chronic illness. I don’t think the discussion ended in the way Paul would have planned if he was in control.
But he (God) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor. 12:9
The fact is, staying in the negative will add to your symptoms and you’ll never find the answer you want anyway.
The only answer we really want is, “Oh, my mistake. Here ya go! Illness free!”
However, making the transition to a more positive, grateful mindset can allow healing, even if only in your heart. It can open the room for joy and peace.
Most importantly, it will allow God to use your illness for good. Maybe by encouraging others or just being an example of His love & joy.
Nick Vujicic (a man born without limbs) once said…
It’s more powerful to see a man with no arms and no legs smiling than it is to see a miracle. Most will never know the story behind the miracle, but they can see the ever-present attitude of joy and peace.
I find that so true!
If you haven’t been involved in our virtual book club, Choose Joy, you’re missing out on another example of someone who chose joy over questioning and bitterness. The story of Sara Frankl is touching, sad, inspiring and, most of all, relatable. A woman who was completely housebound, suffering in pain and dealing with added illnesses brought on as a result of treating primary illnesses – but a woman who chose to trust God, love deeply, and choose joy, even in the face of death. If she can do it, we can too.
I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes from Sara’s book…
I’m okay with not knowing why this is happening to me because I know He knows why. It’s not about me; it’s about what He can do with me. My job is simply to pay attention and enjoy the rainbows.
Do you find you’re often stuck asking why? I hope to encourage you as you work through these hard questions.
